Ah summer swim, how I love and hate you equally. I love that my kids are out the door and exercising daily over the summer. I love the friends they make and the dedication they learn as part of a team. The healthy competition and goal setting are great life skills they learn in summer swim. But then there are the swim meets. Four or more hours sitting in the hot sun to watch your kid swim for less than a minute. And the volunteering – I’m just going to say it – I hate it.
OK listen, it’s not that I’m unwilling to help out. I have volunteered at times, I’ve been class mom, I’ve timed swim meets, and I’ve been on class trips. I have a hard time saying no when asked directly. I’m not an ass, and I’m not trying to put the burden on other moms. I guess the better title for this post should be I’m the mom who doesn’t want to volunteer.
Here’s the thing. I am an introvert. I have some social anxiety. These things make it uncomfortable and sometimes difficult for me to join groups and volunteer. In our society introvert has a negative connotation and extrovert seems more positive, like it’s something we should all strive to be. That’s the way we feel about it, but it’s not the reality. Introvert is not a negative state of being. It doesn’t define a person. It’s just a part of who I am, and it’s a part I am learning to love.
“Why don’t you get out and make some friends?”
“The whole neighborhood was there, you really missed out.”
“Canceling again? Jeeze I’m starting to feel like you don’t even like me.”
Phrases that most of us introverts have heard all of our lives are part of why we think we need to fix it and become more extroverted. It’s been ingrained that we are broken somehow, and so we often pretend to be extraverted, but it usually doesn’t go so well. In Susan Cain‘s book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking she asserts that introversion can be an asset. That we can nurture and cultivate that part of us as a strength of our character and not a perceived weakness. Since reading her book, I have done just that. I am slowly turning my tendencies to crave less attention and more solitude into my strengths. I don’t let myself get forced into group collaborations that make me uncomfortable, instead, I split meetings into smaller groups that not only made me feel more at home but also increased productivity and relationships among colleges.
So remember, that mom who never joins your group, prefers to drop off baked goods rather than show up for the event, and rarely strikes up a conversation in a crowd, she’s just learning to use her strengths. She wouldn’t hate it if you introduced yourself, she’s not a bitch, she’s just an introvert.
